It's here!

And here it is, my 200th blog entry happening on the first day of the year. It wasn't planned, but I am glad it happened this way because it is a good round number - if nothing else. Now, I could try extra hard to be funny or witty, but that would just suck the joy out of this. So I am simply going to say, from and to my family:

Feliz Año Nuevo! Happy New Year!

New Year Resolutions

I probably come up with New Year resolutions about every other year. This time around I really haven't given it much thought, so I guess this will be my "off" year. Maybe I will pick up some resolutions along the way, but for now I will simply go with the flow. I know if I put something on my list I will push myself to complete it which - given all the stuff I already have on my plate - is probably a good reason not to go there.

The Recap

At the end of each year, without failure, we are always bombarded with tons of lists:

1) The top moments of the year

2) The healthiest/unhealthiest cities

3) The most popular songs

4) The most eligible bachelor/bachelorettes

5) The highest earning starts

6) The richest men/women around the world

7) Etc. Etc. Etc.

Some of those lists are incredibly annoying but some are fun, so I am not going to complain about them. Besides, from a historical perspective, how else would we remember each year?

I am not usually one to create yet another recap of my own. It just does not come natural to me to try to dissect my life, categorize all my memories, dump them into a bunch of little buckets, and label them as the best or the worst. There are just so many of them that how could I even do a good job?

This past year I had plenty of happy days with my family, a lot of frustrating and stressful moments at work, and times when - even for a split second - I questioned my choices in life. 

I had scary times like when my Dad spent a week at the hospital, and exhilarating times like when I went against common sense and started a work week on three hours of sleep - all to go to a concert four hours away.

I had times when I felt like the luckiest person in the world, and moments when I struggled getting myself out of bed. 

I had days when I felt pretty, attractive and successful, and days when I hated my own face. 

I had memories and thoughts I would have shared with anybody willing to listen, and some I will never express.

So that's it. No list from me. Just a quick recap of my 2010.

Year End

Lionel and I just came back from a great dinner with family. My first thought was that it was a great dinner with family and friends, but Jamie is really more than a friend. He is both my girls God father, and Lionel's childhood friend. While we were out, my parents stayed at my home with the kids. I was happy that both of them came so they did not have to spend any part of New Year's Eve by themselves.

It was nice going out, but I am happy we are home now to receive the New Year under the same roof as my girls. We are in our PJs, sitting in our comfy couches, and catching up on our TV shows. It may sound boring to some, but when you are a working parent, always running around and trying to stretch the day as much as you can, receiving the New Year quietly and relaxed is just the way to go.

Mischief

One can hardly describe the joy in Bella's eyes when she is doing something she should not. Pissing her sister off brings her particular joy. She loves Sofia very much but still, pushing her buttons is just plain fun.

Traditions

I believe that traditions are important, so I am determined to ensure our family has some of our own. They may not know it yet as I have not explicitly told them, but one of my chosen "new traditions" is to go to our local zoo for the Festival of Lights every year, at least once. This so called festival is really nothing more than the zoo decorated with hundreds of thousands of Christmas lights, but it is a good excuse to get out of your house, not to mention that it really is a pretty sight.

This December has been especially cold around here, but in the last couple days we finally caught a break. Today we were in the low 40s, which made it a perfect day to get out there. Not surprisingly it appeared the entire city was also there, so parking was a bit of a mess. But we made it inside and walked around for a little while. Bella was not necessarily in her best behavior. She did not want to sit down, and wanted to walk around but without holding anybody's hand. Not the best idea in a very crowded place. So our visit was somewhat rushed: No time for the red train, no time for the carousel, and much to Tia Gabi's disappointment, no time for the puppet show.

After the zoo we all went out for dinner, or at least tried to. Bella was still somewhat unruly and it was taking forever to get our table, so I ended up going home with her before we even got to sit down. I am not going to lie, I was not very happy about that. I was not mad at her, but simply annoyed that things did not work out as planned. Sofia decided to stay with her Dad, and I hear she behaved really well despite the wait.

So that was it for today:

1) Family Tradition: Check
2) Photos of family tradition: Check
3) Increase Tia and Tio's hesitance to have children after Bella's display: Probably check

Letting Go

Little by little I have been giving away some of the stuff my girls don't use anymore. This mostly includes gear, clothes and toys. Some of those hadn't been used in a long time, so they were neatly put away. They were not forgotten, but simply waiting for what was to come next.

I am not really a materialistic person. That's not the reason I've been holding on to those. It's just hard to give them away when you know that once upon a time your kid's little hands or their tiny warm bodies were all over them. It's those memories that make you want to hold on, as if keeping those objects made the memories more real, more vivid, more likely to stay with you.

It makes me feel better that most of the stuff has gone to people I know and love. Good friends who I know will take good care of them, and maybe one day, will also get to pass them on.

Next, and probably sooner than I thought, the time will come to move Bella out of the crib. I am not mentally prepared, but it appears she just might be. The part that saddens me the most is not that my "baby" will be moving on to a big girl bed, but the fact that I won't be able to hold on to the crib for too long. We just don't have the space. I know for any outsider the crib is just a "thing", but that's the place where both my girls have had so many nights of peaceful sleep. That's where they both slept since the very beginning, when thanks to our lucky stars they came home with us and forever changed our lives.

Yes, that time will come soon, but for now I am taking one step at the time.

Vacation

This holiday vacation is the longest break I've had in a very long time. The timing couldn't have been any better considering that I really needed a change of pace. Besides allowing me the opportunity to slow down and hang out with my family, it is also turning out to be a productive break. I've been cleaning my closet, the basement, and the girl's bedrooms. I am not spending the whole day taking stuff out, but rather getting it out little by little, so that I don't create unnecessary stress for myself.

As I think about the things I like the most about my time off, one of my favorite ones must be not having to wake up at the sound of the alarm, and not having to get going right away, to rush to get the kids ready and leave the house as soon as we can. It's also nice to feel that I have some freedom to choose what I want to do on a particular day, Vs knowing that by default my day will be spent in front of the monitor or jumping from meeting to meeting from beginning to end.

I wish the break could last longer, but I know that's not the case. So I will try to enjoy to the max the days I do have left.

Who moved my cheese?

Tonight I decided I would change couple colors on my blog to make it look less monochromatic. Turns out, that messed the whole thing up. Now I can no longer find the original template, so I can't just go back to square one. I have spent the better part of my night looking for something I like, but it is almost midnight and I haven't had much luck with that. Maybe I'll keep trying tomorrow, or the day after that.

La reina en su trono

Who are you?

Growing up I always saw having a big close knit family as a gift I never received.

When I was in high school my best friend always had big parties at her place, whether it was a birthday, a wedding, Christmas, or any other family event. She had so many aunts, uncles, and cousins, that even if not everybody showed up it was bound to be a big affair.

I think the reason I wanted a big family was to feel that I belonged to something larger. That there were more people who cared about me and who, by default, would always come see me for special occasions. And mainly, that no matter the time or the distance, we would forever be linked.

But in reality, my family was always my mom, my dad, my sister, and I. Yes, I did have aunts, uncles, and cousins, but I never really saw them, so it is safe to say that they did not really count.

Earlier this month I learned that one of my long lost cousins, who I hadn't seen since he was about four years old, was temporarily living in NY. I also learned he was kind of bummed because he was going to spend the holidays alone. So following the Christmas spirit I, along with my mom, extended him an invitation to visit and spend a few days with us. I was happy to do something nice for someone, and somewhat excited to meet him after all this time.

He did indeed come couple days ago. But as his story unfolds, and I learn about his lack of stability and the fact that he's had a life so different than mine, I can't help but wonder if this is just a social visit or he has an agenda that we have yet to learn about.

The great American girl fake out

Experts say you should never lie to your kids. I see why they would say that. Lying is no good. It sets a bad example. It is not the right thing to do, and can ultimately lead to an unfortunate set of circumstances. I’ve never been a big liar myself, so most of the time I agree with that.  But then again, there are those times when lying may just be the way to go. With today being Christmas and all, Santa Claus is the immediate example that comes to mind. Should I just flat out tell my kids that he doesn't exist, or should I let them believe? And what about telling them that somebody is in a better place when they die Vs just telling them that, truth be told, they're just 6 feet under ground?


See? Sometimes it is not as easy as black and white, which brings me to the story of the day:


This year Sofia wanted 3 things from Santa: A ballerina American girl doll, a skating American girl doll, and a sleeping beauty American girl doll. If you don't know what an American girl doll is, then you must know that they are big dolls, probably 20 inches tall or so. You must also know that they are not cheap at all. The price range is between 100 and 150 dollars each. That of course only includes the one outfit they come with. Although you are always welcome - and encouraged - to buy them more.

As the good mom I am, I helped Sofia write her list a few weeks back.  When she told me what she wanted I told her she could definitely ask, but that Santa had to bring presents for all the kids in the world, so you may not always get what you want. I clearly had no intention to buy her those dolls. Sure, I could have decided to splurge, but in my opinion no kid needs a $150 doll, especially a 5 year old. It just seemed obscene to spend that much, especially when there are so many needy people in the world. However, I did understand that she probably just wanted a big doll, so I did my best to go online and find her some beautiful knock offs.

This morning Sofia was happy to discover her brand new dolls: A pretty ballerina in pink, and a girl with long brown hair, in a black and white plaid dress, a red headband, and red shoes.

"Santa brought me my American girl dolls", she said, smiling from ear to ear.

"You like them?” we said, without clarifying they were not necessarily American dolls. After all, why would we if she liked them and said that is exactly what she was hoping for?

"Are those American girl dolls?” asked Lionel's mom.

"Yes, mom", said Lionel quickly, hoping she would get the hint and stop asking about it in front of the girl. We also made sure we threw the boxes away. We would have done that anyway, and we did not want any more questioning from Sofia, his mom, or anybody else.

Later on, we were in the car when Sofia said: "My friend Meg only has one American girl doll, but now I have two".

Lionel and I looked at each other: Uh-oh, here we go.

"That is not very nice Sofia. We don't talk to others about how many toys we have. We don't compare", we said.

"I am just saying", she replied.

"And please stop calling them American girl Dolls. You already gave them a name, so you need to call them that", Lionel said.

"Ok, Dad. I will stop calling them that", said Sofia. And that was that.

Now we are hoping that not clarifying that small detail won't come back and bite us in the butt. 

Navidad, Navidad, Blanca Navidad

Christmas must be, by far, the season that makes me miss México the most. 

I miss the smell and taste of "Ponche", with all its sweet fruits, the chunks of cinnamon, the warmth of it on a cold December day. 

I miss the sight of all that colorful Christmas candy. Rows after rows, sold in bulk at so many markets, at so many stores.

I miss seeing all those little houses, animals, and other figurines you could buy to make your own nativity at home, especially "El Niño Jesús".

I miss seeing that big Christmas tree in my hometown that was made entirely out of poinsettias. It looked so beautiful against those cold, yet bright and sunny December days.

I miss the TV commercials, depicting "Posadas" and big family gatherings where everybody, maybe thanks to the adult drinks the add was selling, seemed to really get along.

I miss "Sidra", Gabi's Christmas beverage of choice.

I miss things that I probably don’t explicitly remember anymore, can't describe, or even put my finger on. 

Almost there

Lately I've been feeling like I am running on fumes. Maybe it's this weather, maybe it's because it is the end of the year, or maybe it simply is because vacation was coming and my body knew that it was finally time to rest. Whatever it is, I've been tired and lethargic, very much dragging my feet.

By now it has probably been 3 weeks since last time I worked out, the longest I've gone without it for a very long time. Getting out of my workout routine usually makes me feel heavy and unhappy with myself. But right now I don't even have the energy to feel bad about it. I know I'll eventually get back to it, and sometimes the best you can do is to just take a break.

Resentment

Some days I really resent myself for not being smart, talented, passionate, or visionary enough to start a successful company that generates millions and millions in the blink of an eye. Or what about doing something that will impact people all over the world? No. Instead I am working my little office job that does not give me enough time off to hang out with my kids and makes me sweat a snow day.

Snow Day

I wish snow days were a happy event in my world Vs the awful source of stress they invariable become when the show their ugly face. Today, for instance, both Isabella's daycare and Sofia's new school were closed because we got a lot of snow and the roads were a mess. As many people were celebrating, here I was thinking: Crap, I guess that means I am not going anywhere today.

For many people having a snow day means not going to work and as such, no work to get done. For all of them it is simply time to play, relax, and maybe hang out on the couch with a hot cup of tea. For me, however, that only means double workload as I still need to do my job AND somehow also take care of the girls.

Having a job that allows you to work from whenever there is an internet connection can be a blessing, but it can also be a curse. So in order to be able to work and survive the very long day, I was forced to give the girl’s full reign of the house. Whatever toy they wanted to take out, whatever stuff they wanted to drag to my room, whatever little video they wanted to watch they got it ... as long as they were playing nice, and as long as they were safe.

But even if you get your kids to entertain themselves, it is also stressful to know that at the worst possible time, maybe when you are on the phone with your boss, they will start screaming, fighting, or doing something else that will make you look completely unprofessional, and will make people wonder if you are really working, or just hanging out with your kids.

On the other hand, it is also horrible to tell your kids over and over to be quiet, that it will be "just one more minute" when they are trying to show you something and you know fully well that one minute may end up being more like an hour, if that.

So sorry to be a grump but NO, I DONT enjoy snow days. They stress me too much and make feel like this: Bad worker. Bad mom.

Selective Learning

Sofia: Mami, a piece of my candy cain fell to the ground.
Me: That is Ok. Just throw it away.
Sofia: But that is not Ok mami. We should not waste food.
Me: Candy is NOT food. In fact, it is not good for you.

Doctoras Bey

Last Sunday's pretend profession of choice was Doctor. Both the girls took turns, with Isabella once again surprising us all by actually slowing down long enough to play the cooperative patient having her heart, belly, ears, and teeth checked.

Listen to your heart

Although it probably would have proved therapeutic, this week I have not had much time to write. I've been busy with other important stuff like visiting my Dad at the hospital. After years of refusing to go to the Doctor for either big or small aches and pains, last Sunday he finally had no choice. After going to see the Doctor for what he though was just a nagging cough, we ended up taking him to the emergency room because he was having trouble breathing, and his heart was not doing very well at all. Turns out he had to stay the night, and another, and another.

Staying there and having all kinds of tests done has by no means been his favorite thing. It has also been stressful for all of us not to know exactly what was wrong, and seeing him tired, bored, and scared of what might happen next.  But we feel he has received excellent care, so from that respect we can't complain. And although we may never know exactly the root cause of his heart issues, he is now getting treated and we have the peace of mind that with the right ongoing care he will be Ok.

So just one more night, and he will be able to go back home. I am sure he is eager to get out of there, to go back to his routine, but this time around taking better care of himself. Hopefully this experience, and having my mom, my sister and I right by his side, reminds him that he is loved, and we want him to stick around.

Necio

I love my Dad, but he is one stubborn man. There, I said it. Necio, necio, necio. Necio until the end.

Assignment #1

Tonight, way past my bed time, I decided to start a new writing class. Our first assignment was to write a paragraph using the words "Summer", "Trees" and "Ocean". I like that type of assignment, as they are usually fun. This one actually triggered a memory of our first home, so this is what I wrote:

"It was by far my favorite part of our old house. If you stood on the patio on a windy day and closed your eyes, you could easily confuse the sound of the trees for the sound of the ocean waves swaying back and forth, hitting the rocks. I wish I had spent more time out there, but I was too busy most of the time. Looking back I don’t even know why.

The early part of the summer was always my favorite, as the weather was not too hot, not too cold. Nowadays when I drive by that part of town in the evening and see all those young people jogging, walking their dogs or just chatting with a friend, I remember my good old days."

Play hard

This week I played hard. I started Monday on 3 hours of sleep and went out until midnight on a work night. Sure, I was tired all week, but it was nice to get out of the routine for once.

Pay It Forward

Yesterday I decided to become a mentor for an underprivileged Hispanic child. That is something I have been thinking about for a while, but hesitated multiple times.

There are many reasons for my hesitance, the main one being that I am already much stretched for time. I also worry about caring too much and feeling powerless, not able to help enough. What if I am not able to keep up with the commitment and end up letting everybody down? I also have mixed feelings about spending time with somebody else's child when I already wish I had more time to spend with mine. And what if her parents hate me because my job will be trying to keep her in school and ultimately go to college, which for the sound of it they would never in a million years be able to afford?

But yesterday I attended a presentation by the organization I will be helping out. You can tell they have such passion for what they do because they know they are part of something great. And then, when they present you with the heart breaking statistics of how unlikely it is that these children will succeed in life, there is no hesitance, no excuses, no going back.

So my application is filled out, and by the end of the year I should be matched with a young girl who will - hopefully- benefit from my so called mentoring and my outlook on life.

Pretend Play

The other day the girls were pretending to be at a hair salon. Sofia was the hair dresser and Bella, very unbelievably, actually sat down for a few minutes to pretend to be Sofia's client. I think the promise of stickers may have had something to do with that. It was such a cute sight that I hurried to grab the camera, Lionel's iPhone, my blackberry ... whatever I found to capture the moment because I knew it wouldn't last.

The End

Last night Michael Buble told me he would take a picture with me, but he never did. I guess it is like that old traditional Mexican song goes: "A todos diles que si, pero no les digas cuando" ... "Say yes to everybody, just don't tell them when". That part was disappointing, but I enjoyed the show all the same. Thanks to the graciousness of strangers I managed to see pretty much the entire show from front row. And even though I did not get the ending I longed for, I still had a good run. I had some good road trips with my sister and mom, and couple great getaways with my real life love.

So that's it for me. After five shows, the year of Buble is officially done.

Life Happens

For many people around the world this is usually the time of year when they start thinking about their New Year resolutions. Some will start eating better, some will quit the job they hate so much, and some will find a new love. Others will pick up a new hobby, or will start going to church. But the vast majority will start working out more ... at least for a month or so.

For me, on the other hand, this is usually the time when my workout routine becomes one big mess. It's not that I get lazy, but invariably I seem to spend the winter months sick, recovering from being sick, taking care of someone who is sick or recovering, or simply way too tired from all the sickness around me.

The fact that the weather goes down hill certainly does not help my case. After all, it is not like going out in 30 degree weather is a smart decision when you are trying to get better from whatever bug you were unlucky enough to get.

Tomorrow, for instance, I already know I will miss my Yoga class yet again. The class is at 7:15 am, but right now is already midnight and I am sitting in Bella's room hoping she will go down again. Yesterday she was sent home from school because she was running a fever, so she must still not be feeling very well. Hence why she woke up, and why I am still sitting here Vs being in bed.

That's just the way it goes. Life happens, so working out can wait.

NY - The Pictures