At a loss

It is strange how we human beings can experience a sense of loss for things or people who have never really been "ours", who may never even know that we exist, and that yet - somehow, in one way or another- we feel connected to them.

It's complicated

Tonight, during dinner, Sofia asked me: "How do pigs make bacon?" 

I must have looked stunned, so she quickly added: "Is it hard?"

"Yes, very hard", I said thinking to myself : If she only knew. At that very moment I really wished I was vegetarian, so that I could quickly shake the guilt.

Back to basics

This week Sofia is in spring break. And since Lionel and I can't really afford to take the week off, she went back with Bella to daycare. It is such a familiar place ... Sofia still has friends there, and for us it is nice to have both girls together. Even though they were in different rooms I know they saw each other during the day, and got to play together at the very end. It made me happy to remember those days when that was Sofia's home away from home, and it made me sad that those days are gone.

Tia Abi

Somebody pinch me please. I didn't think the day would ever come, but turns out ... I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!! I can't wait for "semillita" to grow and grow, and to welcome him/her into our lives. In fact, we are already thinking of cool names. If it's a girl, "Suneetha Guadalupe" is the ideal tribute to both her Indian and Mexican heritage. I know that would never fly - and it's not my decision anyway - but in the next few months I'm going to have so much fun thinking of really funny and hideous names.

Congratulations to Gabi and Raj. Becoming parents will be the biggest and best gift of their lives.

Old Trick

Today I used an old trick, one I have used many times before but had forgotten in the last few months. Lionel took Sofia to her swim lesson, while Bella and I stayed home. Even though it was way past her nap time she was very much awake and refusing to go down. She asked to go outside, so we both bundled up and I took her to the swings in the backyard. For a few minutes I moved her from one swing to the next, but she was crabby and did not really want anything. I then asked her if she wanted to go for a walk. She did not say yes or no. We went back into the house, put mittens on her little hands, and went to the garage for the big stroller. She was not quite convinced, but she still sat down. We almost made it all the way down the hill when she started to fuss. I asked if she wanted to go back home, but again she did not say yes or no. I did not want to be too far from the house in the event she had a meltdown, so I turned around. We were almost at the top of the hill when I saw her head starting to tilt to the side, and even though she was still fighting it, her eyes were also starting to close. " Got you!", I thought. She fought it a little longer, but she eventually fell asleep. We walked through the neighborhood for a full hour, and even thought it was really cold it was also a sunny day, so it was a nice, relaxing, and peaceful walk.

Tired

I haven't written in almost a week. I've been so busy at work that not only I haven't had time to write. I haven't had time to even hear myself think either.

Second Shift

I just realized that almost exactly a month ago I wrote about how, once again, I am working a ton. I guess that means it has been at least couple months since I am once again regularly working some really long days. My second shift, as I affectionately call it, is usually 9 to midnight. Working that much is tough, but what gets me going is the hope that it won't always be that way. It simply can't.

Paris

Bella was proudly wearing her Paris t-shirt today. Ok, maybe "proudly" is a bit of a stretch, but she looked cute in it, and it was very appropriate considering she is 50% French.

Assertiveness

More than once my manager has told me that I am very nice, but sometimes I really need to assert myself. This includes telling people to "shut it" when they are talking too much, and putting my foot down way faster than I usually do. So I took the feedback and registered for a two day assertiveness training, which took place this past week.

Even though I don't think that being particularly assertive is something that will ever come natural to me, I enjoyed the training and learned (or at the very least remembered) a thing or two. Something that particularly made me laugh was learning more about my personality type, if only because the description given seemed to be very much right on. Turns out I am someone focused on "Influence", which comes along with the following tendencies and desires:

1. Optimism
2. People oriented
3. Motivated by popularity, social recognition, public recognition of ability
4. Basic fear is social rejection
5. Desires democratic relationships and freedom of expression
6. Likes to create a motivating environment, generating enthusiasm, and feels responsible for entertaining people.

So there it is. I may not be the most assertive person in the world, but at least now I know where I belong. And it's not like I am doing something wrong. Hopefully I will be better at raising my assertiveness when I really need to, but the rest of the time I will just continue being my happy "influencer" self, and doing my best so that we can all get along.

Tennis

Bella usually pretends to be part of Sofia's tennis class. She really has fun doing that and Sofia doesn't seem to mind. In fact, I think she enjoys that Bella wants to "be like her", and likes teaching her best tennis moves. It is a nice little routine for them.

My girls

The girls sharing a laugh.

Berrinches

This morning was a rough one. Bella did not behave well at all. She threw several tantrums because instead of getting ready for school she wanted to play, and then she wanted to read books. It took us forever to get out of the house, and of course I was running extremely late. I ended up putting her in the car without a sweater and without shoes, and just throwing them in her backpack for - hopefully - later use. Since I was so late, and with such a short fuse, I was also in a bad mood with my poor Sofia, who for the most part did behave.

Once in the car Bella started to scream and cry because she wanted her shoes on, and Sofia started to cry because Bella was upset and screaming, and hurting her ears with all that noise. Truth be told, I wanted to cry too.

Once I finally dropped them off, and made my way to the office, I was still very sad. I felt like the worst mom in the world for getting so mad at my kids for something so stupid as taking their time. It made me sad to know that instead of enjoying the morning with them I spent it all stressed out. And I was hoping nothing would happen to me during the day so that I could go back to them and tell them that even when I am mad at them I still love them with all my heart.

Roger

This morning, when the alarm went off at 5:30am for my tennis class, I was dreaming that Roger Federer (YES, the famous tennis player) was sitting in my living room, right next to me. We were chatting it up while I was folding laundry from all things. Weird...

Disaster

I was very sad to wake up to such sad news today. I am praying for the people in Japan.

Aniversario

Today is my parent's wedding anniversary ... the 38th one to be exact. And even though they stopped celebrating it a very long time ago, I still remember it and like to call them to say congratulations. This year in fact they may actually celebrate. At least they should, as they are doing better than they have in a very long time.

Mamiferos

This week Sofia is learning about mammals at school.

Jirafa

Leopardo

La cebra

March

This morning once again March decided to remind us that it is not the spring just yet. But by this afternoon it had already changed its mind.

No guns allowed

The other day, when I walked Sofia to her classroom, I noticed the following sign on the glass doors. It is not like her school is in a bad neighborhood or anything, so I was kind of surprised to see it. I must have said something along the lines of "What's up with this sign?" because she told me in very matter of fact sort of way: "That means no guns are allowed".

"Who told you what that means?" I asked.

"I don't know. I just know", she replied.

The bouncy zebra

Bella loves this bouncy zebra they have at day care. When we first arrive in the morning she goes straight there. If another kid already happens to be on it she then stands right next to it, and lingers just waiting for the perfect opportunity to take over. She then bounces up and down, and goes all the way around. Sometimes she goes around so hard that when she finally stops and walks away you can tell her head is spinning, as she can't even walk straight.

iPhone

This weekend I finally got a new phone. I was afraid I was going to lose the pictures I took with the old one, but luckily they were able to transfer them all. It is amazing how time flies .. I had already forgotten about several of those.

Bella in her car seat

Sofia at the dentist

Sofia at her tennis class

Sofia and tia Gabi at the yagoot store

Sofia at the Cincinnati zoo

Sofia likes this t-shirt and has been wearing it for a while ... except that now she can read what it says, so earlier today she asked me: Why doesn't it say "I love my sister" as well?

I explained to her that not everybody has a sister, which did not seem to make much sense to her. I guess even at this early age she can't image herself without Bella. She probably doesn't even remember anymore what it was like when it was only Lionel, her and I.

That is kind of sad in a way, but on the other hand I am glad they are already as close as they are today.

All about perception

Every morning I make Sofia's lunch so she can take it to school. And I always give her something fresh, like carrots and fruit. But every time I want to give her a small packet of carrots she tells me she doesn't need all that, that it is too much. So I take the carrots out of the packet and put all of them in a little container, which she then happily lets me put in her lunch bag.

Disgusting

The other day I heard on the radio that in about ten years mattresses double their weight due to sweat, skin, and dust mites. 

As a mom I've had to deal with my fair share of puke and poop incidents, but picturing this still makes my stomach turn.

Musical chairs

Every night Bella wants to eat next to me. I don't mean in the seat next to me. I literally mean "right next to me". She pulls her chair as close as she can to mine, and brings her food and her water cup.  Sometimes she takes couple bites before she makes her move, but more often than not she does not waste any time.

At the end of the meal she usually ends up on my lap, and even though that does not let me eat very well I don't like to complain. I like that she wants to be close to me, and I know one day that will no longer be the case.

Choices

So much I want to write about, but I have no time. It is 11:40 pm and I have to choose between writing or going to bed to catch some sleep before the routine starts all over again. And I am exhausted, so sleep it is ... at least for today.

Bonnie Anderson

This past weekend Sofia finally agreed to sit down and watch a movie with us downstairs, in the "big" screen. We watched Toy Story 3 which she really, really liked. I really liked it too, and have to say that Bonnie, the little girl that inherits Andy's toys, reminds me so much of both my girls.