Torn

It's been a long time, WAY, WAY, WAY long, since the last time I went back home. Yes, even though I have been living in Cincinnati for 15 years now, which is most of my adult life, Mexico will always evoke for me that one word ... home.

If my memory doesn't fail me, it has been 7 years since I last went to Mexico. And that time around I didn't even go back to my home town. It was just a 3 or 4 day trip to go to the wedding of a friend of mine. The last time I went back to my home town was when we brought my parents to the US, and Sofia was only about 9 months old.  Yes, it has been that long ...

I would love to go back and take the girls with me to show them where I grew up. I would love for them to walk up and down the streets where I walked so many times. I would love for them to experience the food, the weather, the traditions. To see the historical buildings, and to run around chasing pigeons in the park. I would love to take them to the Panaderias, to the markets, to the churches ... I would love for them to see Queretaro, to visit the church where I had my college graduation and Lionel and I got married. There is just so much beauty and life to explore.

If I love Mexico so much, you might wonder why in the world I don't just take a few days off and book the next flight down there. You see ... there is this one little thing .... its called safety, and nowadays it seems like there isn't much of that down there. So as much as I would love to go, the lack of safety makes me feel really torn. If I went down there, and something happened to my girls, or something happened to me that prevented me from taking care of them, I would never be able to forgive myself.  I know millions and millions of people, my friends included, just go about their days and nothing ever happens to them. But I am no longer one of them. I would now be a "tourist", a nervous one travelling with two little girls who - although they would look like they belong - would quickly give themselves away as soon as they opened their mouth. Sure, Sofia speaks pretty decent Spanish, but not without an accent. "I AM A TOURIST", everything about us says now. That, and the "I-am-a-mom-afraid-that-something-will-happen-to-my-kids" look I would probably have in my eyes, would likely put a big target on our backs.

I do have many Mexican friends that year after year continue to go back home. And as they do, I am secretly jealous of them because the very reason they continue to go back, which is their families, is the very same thing that probably makes it safe for them to do so. They have somebody to pick them up, somebody to drive them around, a safe place to stay, and people who know where they should or shouldn't go. Yes, I do have relatives in Mexico, but I barely even know their names. They are "family" because we have the same grandparents and the same last names, but that is just not enough.

When I think about how long it has been since I last went to Mexico, it makes my stomach turn. But when I think about all the horror stories my parents have read about, or heard about first hand, it makes me want to throw up even more. Believe it or not, it literally makes my heart race. I would never want to put my kids in harm's way only to satisfy my nostalgia, so time continues to pass by, and I continue to tell myself: "Maybe someday..."

For Sale

Today, as the bulk of Americans were celebrating their infamous Black Friday tradition by shopping til their heart's content, I decided to go a different route. Instead, I decided to put on sale via eBay some of the handbags that I no longer use but are still in great shape.  I hope somebody buys them. They are just too nice to go to a Goodwill store, and I'd love to put the extra cash in my sabbatical fund.

Christmas Ornaments

Earlier today, when we were downtown, we walked into Macy's for a few minutes because somebody had posted on Facebook that they had a Santa Claus and there was no line. We didn't find the Santa anymore, but the girls did find the Christmas ornaments section. Surprisingly they had Sofia with an "f", but Lionel's was nowhere to be found. So we settled for one that simply said "Dad".

Lionel's Birthday

Today Lionel had to work, so the girls and I started his birthday without him. We got up late, made pancakes for breakfast, and then headed downtown to go to the ice skating rink, which just opened. He then met us for lunch before going to the casino for a few hours, and we had some Greaters ice cream before coming back home. We then went to Sofia's piano class, went to buy couple containers we will use tomorrow to clean the playroom, and met Lionel up for dinner at P.F. Chang's. And that was that. It is amazing how our days off just fly by!

Thanksgiving 2013

This year, once again, Gabi and Raj hosted thanksgiving at their house. We had a lovely, stress-free evening, except for when the kids screamed like crazy, fought, and neglected to behave - just like any other day. We enjoyed great Mexican food made by my mom and Gabi, and the cake I made to celebrate Lionel's birthday. Since the family was going to be together already, he decided that he wanted to celebrate his birthday one day early. The cake decoration turned out Ok, except that I couldn't find a 2 to have a "42" on it, and instead had to improvise.

Thanksgiving Feast

This past Tuesday Sofia's classroom had once again their Thanksgiving Feast. Lionel couldn't be there since it was at 2:00 pm, but I worked from home so I could pick up Bella at noon, and we both could be there.

L'arc en ciel, by Bella

Stress me not

As we closeout this short work week, I am finding myself more stressed out than ever. While many people were out today, or even the whole week, I was working hard and scrambling to get stuff done from a to-do list that never seems to end. So as many people were ready to travel, or visit their loved ones, I just kept thinking “Crap! Now I have two days less to try to catch up”. I probably would be ok if I hadn’t picked up that new additional project [not that I had a choice] but that doesn’t matter anymore. That project is here to stay, and given my nature I will do whatever I can to see it succeed.

Today the girl’s school was closed, so I was working from home feeling guilty for not being able to take the day off and spend time with them. At lunch time I took a break from working – and them from probably getting bored – to go to their dentist cleaning appointment. While waiting to wrap up our visit, one of the girls that work there asked me if we were going to put our Christmas decorations up this weekend. “I hadn’t even though about it” I blurted out sincerely, surprising myself about the fact that it didn’t even occur to me that this weekend will already be December. “One more thing I will have to find the time to do”, I added in my head, probably increasing my stress level a tiny bit more.

After the dentist we went to Panera for lunch, and then came back home so I could continue working. Luckily my mom was able to come visit for a little while, which helped me out because I knew the girls would love to see her and she would play with them, which had two advantages: 1) They would be happy and entertained, and 2) They would not interrupt me. But there, just thinking about #2 made me feel like a really lame mom. And just like that, that was another reason to get stressed some more.

At the end we all survived the day, and I managed to get stuff done. My goal is to get some more stuff done tonight so that – hopefully – I don’t have to worry about work at all during the long weekend, and manage to enjoy it like the rest of them.

Family Birthday Celebration - She is 5!!!

This afternoon we had our traditional cake cutting with the family. This time around I made and decorated the cake myself, and although it was not as pretty and flawless as the store bought kind, I made it with tons and tons of love. And it is probably worth mentioning that Diego, who never eats cake, actually ate mine today!

As we wrap up all the celebrations for Bella's birthday, there is just one thing I hope she remembers from today and every other day: She is very much loved!

Sands Birthday Celebration

This morning I took cupcakes to Bella's school to do her birthday celebration. It wasn't a long one, but she enjoyed having her special moment with her friends.

From Grandma and Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa couldn't be here for Bella's birthday, but this morning we made sure she got the goodies grandma left for her, as well as their birthday card we got in the mail.

Bella's Birthday Party

Bella's Birthday is not until tomorrow, but we started the celebration early. Today we had her tea-party themed birthday party at the Museum Center with 12 of her closest friends. Even before she knew the theme she had decided that she did NOT want any boys at her birthday party, although she made an exception for Diego - if only because he is their cousin and they love him.

The party was only an hour and a half, but I was still nervous that it could quickly go downhill because they had some activities planned - and 5 year olds are not all that great at following directions. But even though the kids indeed had their moments, the lady that was leading the activity managed to stay patient.

After the actual party the kids had the opportunity to run around the museum, which all of them very much enjoyed ... while the poor parents were trying to keep up with them. After all, it is not easy to chase them around especially when they only spend a few seconds in each place.

On our way out we braved the weather to take couple quick family pictures before we all went back home to stay cozy and warm, and get ready for the week.

Brrrrrrrr

Today I ran in the coldest weather yet. It was intimidating, but I put on the layers, a hat and gloves. The surprising thing was that once I got going I didn't really feel the cold that much. I guess it gets to a point where it doesn't matter if it is 30, 25, or 16. As long as you are dressed for it, you can still get your run in. Not to say that my 12.12 miles were easy. Finishing the run still took some serious determination.

1,000!

Yesterday morning I ran 11 miles, one of my "shortest" runs in my training for the Miami Marathon. It was a cold fall morning, perfect for a long run. After my run, my running app gave me the news that so far I have already run 1,000 Kilometers! I didn't realize I was so close to that milestone, so it was surprising and exciting.

Diablito

Bella never keeps anything in her hair, but for couple days she actually wore her little devil hair band all day. It was part of a Halloween costume that no longer fits her, and I hadn't seen it in a while, but somehow she found it and decided to put it on.

We let her wear it because it kept her hair away from her face, it fits her personality just fine, and it looked really cute.

Matching Panda Hats

Earlier this week Bella and I were sporting matching panda hats. Trivial, but worth taking a picture.

The [not so subtle] difference

Tonight I was trying to teach the girls how to say "ma mere est fantastique" just for kicks. Unfortunately Sofia's French pronunciation is still not quite there, and ended up saying "ma merde est fantastique".  It just doesn't get funnier than that.

Home Theater

Who needs a home theater when you can just pull two plastic chairs to the middle of the hallway, and watch a movie on mami's kindle.

Animal meeting

It appears that, just like mami at work, the girls' stuffed animals happen to have a lot of meetings.