Can you say Peace?

The girl's favorite book right now is one called "Can you say Peace?" The book teaches kids how to say Peace in several languages, and also teaches them that no matter where you come from, no matter where you live, children and their families want to feel safe. We all want to live in Peace. We have read it so many times that Sofia knows almost all of it by heart. Although, curiously enough, it seems the last words she learned where those in Spanish and French. Isabella also loves the book, and always wants to read it in Sofia's room before going to bed. She is also getting really good and saying the words. It is really cute.

iCarly

This evening we stopped by the grocery store after Sofia's tennis lesson. We had to go get Bella's medicine, and pick up couple things for dinner. As we were walking down one of the isles, we ran into a little girl and her mom. The little girl stopped cold and kept staring at Sofia, with a mesmerized look in her face. She was also saying something I just could not understand. So finally her mom told me: "She thinks your daughter is iCarly". That really made me laugh! It was the cutest thing I had heard all day. And I finally understood the look in the little girl's face. I don't know much about iCarly, but I do know is one of those Disney Channel shows, and the main girl has long dark hair. If Sofia had only been a little bit friendlier, and said "Hi", that probably would have made the little girl's day.

 If you don't know who iCarly is, here is a little taste: http://www.icarly.com/

The Zoo

Yesterday morning we went to the zoo. It was supposed to be a really hot day, so we got there early, right before 10:00 am. It had been a while since all four of us went there together, which is just wrong considering we are members and the kids love being there. So despite the heat, and the weather forecast that called for scattered thunderstorms, I was determined to get us there.

Lucky for us, it never really rained, so we had a pretty good visit for the couple hours we were there. One of our first stops was at the carousel. Since it was not too crowded yet, even Lionel and I got to ride as well. We also took the red train, which is Sofia's favorite spot right behind the carousel. Or is it the other around? I guess I'll have to check with her. We also learned a "fun fact" about polar bears when we had to use the family restroom for the girls.

In the afternoon Abuelitos stopped by for a really quick visit, and at Sofia's request, came with the two of us for her swim lesson so they could see all the progress she has made. Afterwards we came back home, gave the girls a bath, and had dinner. And right before bed time, we enjoyed a few moments hanging out together, relaxing just sitting on the couch. A good end to our busy day as we prepared for the week ahead.

First Class

Lately I've been wondering: What would it be like to be able to go wherever you want to, whenever you feel like it, without having to worry about the cost, or whether or not you'll be allowed to take time away from work? What would it be like to be a seriously wealthy unemployed person? Or, at the very least, one of those who only have to work a few months out of the year, yet make more than a lot of people will make in their lifetime?

Clearly the fact that I've been wondering about it means I am not one of them. But I am not trying to complain. I come from humble beginnings, so one could say I've come a long way.  I now live a comfortable, middle class suburban life, so I believe none of my family's needs go unmet. We have disposable income, and go on a one week vacation once a year. Yet, I think it would be great to have more free time, and be able to escape the routine, and the weather at hand. Too cold outside? Let's go to Hawaii. Too hot out there? Let's go skiing somewhere. No flights available? Who cares? Let's get a private jet.

Yes, being able to do whatever you want would certainly be fun. I am sure there are downsides to that as well, but I guess I'll never know for sure.

Vocabulary

Bella will be 20 months old tomorrow. She understands a lot of things in Spanish and English, and she is also starting to talk a lot more. Sadly I do not remember what all Sofia could say at this point, as we never wrote it down. But I do know she was definitely communicating very well by the time she turned two. And according to all the things I remember reading; she was right on track.

Here’s a sampling of all the things Bella can say by now. She probably knows a lot more words in English that I do not even know about. That happens with Sofia as well, since I really try not to speak English with them.

Mama
Papa
Daddy
NO!
Di (Si, Spanish for "yes")
Bibi (Fifi, Sofia’s nickname)
Nana (Banana)
Peace (Please)
Vaca (Spanish for “cow”)
Boy
Nacki (Snack, Snackie)
Abue (Spanish for “grandma” or “grandpa”)
Gabi (Aunt’s name)
Milk
Jugo (Spanish for “juice”)
Mine
Mio (Spanish for “mine”)
Bo (video)
Shoe
Book
Na night (Night, Night)
Doggie
Pick up
Agua (Spanish for “water”)
Gurt (Yogurt)
Mina (Vitamina, Spanish for “vitamin”)
Pupi (Spanish for “poop”)
Dango (Mango)
Cheeio (Cheerio)
Qui (Aqui, Spanish for "here")
Ma (Mas, Spanish for "more")
Mo (More)
Mano (Spanish for "hand")
Taco
Pick up
No (Nose)
All gone
Acabo (Se acabo, Spanish for "all gone")
Pout (Sprout, TV channel)
Tilla (Tortilla)
Kay (Okay)
Blankie (what we call her blanket)
Monkey
Pata (Pasta)
Pan (Spanish for "bread")

Sangre Azul

This week was princes and princesses week at daycare. And it culminates today with their “grand ball”. So much to my delight, I got to dress them up. I of course insisted on taking pictures before they went to school, as I knew they would get all dirty even before lunch time. Sofia loves dressing up, so she was very excited to wear her elegant red dress, her tiara, and her gloves. Bella did not really know any better, but I was happy she let me put her fluffy dress on. I hope they had a lot of fun. They may not be real royalty, but they for sure rule our world.

Mal humor

Today I had a very challenging afternoon. Isabella has so much energy that she is always a handful, but when she is not happy she is ten times worse. And this afternoon she was not very happy at all. I think it is because she only slept an hour at naptime, which the teachers warned me about.

Sofia had her tennis lesson after school. So after I picked the girls up we headed straight there. The lesson only lasts 30 minutes, but it always seems longer than that. Probably because I spend the entire time chasing after Isabella all over the place. But today was particularly bad, because on top of chasing her and having to bring her back to our court, I had to fight with her every single time. She just wanted to keep running, so she did whatever she could to prevent me from picking her up. And when I finally did, she started whining and throwing tantrums. In the meantime, poor Sofia was calling for us and started crying because she couldn't see where we were. After 30 long minutes the lesson was over, and by then I was somewhat sweaty and completely stressed.

On our way out we still had to stop by the front desk and pay. I couldn't hold on to Isabella while I paid, so I had to put her down. But then she started chasing after the other kids. At first she started running towards the main door, so I had to leave my stuff there and go get her. But I still couldn't hold on while I paid, so I had to put her down again. This time she started running in the opposite direction, which meant she could have tumbled down the steps. So again I had to leave my stuff there, and go after her. After a few more painful minutes I finally paid, and the three of us headed back to the car. Once the girls we all strapped in their car seats I felt some relief. Isabella may not have been all that happy in her car seat, but at least I knew she was ok.

We finally made it to the house, and helped Lionel prepare dinner. Isabella continued with her bad mood, which meant she barely ate. She also needed a bath, which was another struggle for us. And then, finally came bed time for the girls, and we all finally got some rest.

My little negotiator

This morning's conversation:

Sofia: Can I put my new shoes on today?
Me: No. Those shoes are not to run around.

Sofia: But I am not going to run around today. You know why? Because my leg still hurts from the bug bite.
Me: Ok. You can wear them then.
Sofia: Ok

Me: You need to take a sweater with you because otherwise you’ll get cold in your classroom.
Sofia: That is ok. I don’t need it. I will warm up when I start running around.

Me: I thought you told me you were not going to run around today.
Sofia: Oh, I forgot.

Tomorrow

It is 11:30pm. The weekend is officially over. I should be going to bed, but I don't want to, because when I get up I have to go to work.

Life happens

When two people you love decide to split, you don't even know what to think, what to feel. If you know they've been unhappy for a while the first thing you might feel is relief, as that will allow them, and all those around them, to finally get some peace. But sadness will probably also take center stage. Because that means all the years they shared, and all the memories they built together, will have to put aside, forgotten, so that they can really move on. You'll probably also feel anger, as the split is likely to generate much stress. And you'll wonder why they couldn't just better communicate. If you have kids, you'll also be worried about how you are going to explain the new living arrangements without them wondering if that will happen to you someday. And what about birthdays and holidays? Who should you invite when?

It will take time, but eventually you'll learn to live with it. And you will convince yourself that it is all for the best.

But then, if one day they announce they'll be getting back together, you'll be puzzled. And you'll wonder how quickly they will go back to their old ways. Will they play nice for a while only to eventually split all over again?

So yes, you'll worry, and you'll be skeptical. But deep inside you'll be supportive as well. And you'll hope they really learned a thing or two during their time apart. And you'll wish them the best during their second shot at finding happiness.

Cheater!

I've come to the sad realization that I have been cheating on my blog.

One of the reasons I started writing was so that I could really let go of what bugs me, makes me sad, and flat out pisses me off. But somehow, without really making a conscious decision about it, I have started censoring myself. Yes, I am holding back!

Just last Sunday Lionel made me really mad. And just thinking about still irritates me profoundly. I am sure writing about it would have been really therapeutic. Yet I chose not to do so. Maybe what stopped me was the thought that I would eventually forgive him for the stupid, incredibly inconsiderate joke he made at the expense of my kids. And if I had written about it, maybe it would have made my anger linger because I would be able to go back, read about, and relive the moment all over again. But I guess my logic did not quite work anyway. I did not write about, but I am still angry. I still remember. And now I am double annoyed at the fact that I prevented myself from expressing what I felt.

Sweet Dreams

Tonight I held Bella in my arms for a while before she finally went down. I needed to get other things done, but I enjoyed staying with her instead. I know I say this often, but she is growing so, so fast. She is now such a busy toddler that sometimes it's hard to get her to slow down and give you a real hug.

I don't know why she could not settle down. We had gone through the routine just like every other night. After potty and tooth brushing time, we all sat in Sofia's bed, and gave Bella good night hugs and kisses. Lionel then took her to bed. But a few minutes later she started crying and calling out for me. I was still in Sofia's room. I waited a few minutes to see if she calmed down, but she never did. So I went and picked her up, and we both sat down on the blue rocking chair. She had her soft pink "blankie" with her. She put her head on my shoulder and held me tight, and I could feel her little body's warmth against mine.

We sat on the chair for a few minutes. Occasionally she looked up and smiled at me. And I would look her in the eyes and smile right back at her. She is now too big to sleep on my arms, so I knew I had to put her back in bed. Eventually I got up and stood by the crib a few extra minutes, whispering in her ear that it was time to go "night night". I really did not want to let go of her, but hoped she couldn't tell. I finally put her back in bed, wrapped in her little blankie, and quietly walked away.

Now its time for me to also go to bed, but not before doing what I do every single night: Stopping by Sofia's room to watch her sleep and, with a kiss, say good night one last time to my other special girl.

Working Mom Me

Summer has to be, by far, the worst time of year to be a working mom. You are constantly getting fliers about great places to visit, fun things to do with the kids, all along knowing fully well you will not have a chance to do most of it. You get to hear about all the fun play dates your stay-at-home friends have, and see them making new plans while secretly hoping you could also be part of them. But what would be the point of that? They clearly don't invite you because they understand that even if you are dying to go with them, you have to go to work instead.

It is during the summer that I am particularly vulnerable to the self doubt that always plagues working moms: "Am I doing the right thing?", "Should I just quit my job even if that means we would have to make sacrifices?", "Will my children look back at their childhood and feel I was not there for them?". But then again, "Would it be fair to Lionel to have sole responsibility for bringing money home?", "And what if he lost his job?",  "Would I be able to just come out of my early retirement and get a job that would allow us to pay our bills?", "Do we really want to take that chance?". "And wouldn't it be worse for my kids if money problems caused our family environment to deteriorate?"

I wish I could only work part time. That would be ideal for me. Unfortunately right now that is not really an option in my company, and particularly in my line of work. So I try to make the best of it, and enjoy as much as I can the time I do have with my kids. And I still have faith that sometime in the near future I will be able to work less. I just hope that by then my kids will still want to spend time with me.

Work

Lately I've been working really late ... AGAIN. That explains why I haven't been able to write my blog, which is usually my favorite way to end my days. There have been late calls, emails to review, documents to write. I hope this is not an indication that the bad times at work are coming back. I still have plenty of summer ahead of me, and I would really like to enjoy it, especially with my kids.

Holidays

I have never been a big fan of holidays. For some reason they make me feel ... well... inadequate.  I think the only exception to that is Christmas. I have always liked Christmas. But the rest of the holidays I could totally do without. I do appreciate getting the days off from work, but that's pretty much it.

I think my lack of excitement is directly proportional to my lack of a large family. Growing up, it was always the 4 of us: Mom, Dad, Gabi, and I. We do have aunts, uncles, and cousins, but they never lived close by. So as far as I was concerned, they were not really part of my life. And for the most part, I was ok with that. But holidays were (and still are) the exception to that.

Holidays are days that, traditionally, you are supposed to spend with family. You are supposed to have large gatherings where everybody brings a dish to share. You are supposed to rotate who hosts each year. You are supposed to ensure that everybody gets invited, and that everybody responds. And I guess by the time the holiday is over, you are also supposed to complain about the one family member that year after year manages to annoy the heck out of everybody else.

Having a small family, all of the above is completely foreign to me.

I of course ended up marrying somebody who has a larger family, but all in France. So neither one of us contributed a lot of family members to our everyday lives. On one hand, I know that makes it easier on us. But on the other hand, I will always be envious of those that have a large clan. And I hope my kids don't feel like they are missing out.

Sofia's bed

Today Sofia made her bed all by herself for the very first time. And she did it without us even prompting her to do so. She woke up before anybody else in the house, so by the time we all got up, she was also already dressed. She has been getting dressed by herself for a very long time. But being interested in making her bed was definitely new for her. I wonder if Abuelita put her up to that.

Of course we made sure we showed her how happy we were about it, saying “chocalas” (high five) a bunch of times. I think even Bella joined in, not that she knew what the fuss was all about.

Platonic

I really don't know what is worse: being oh, so close to something you want - yet not getting it, or not even standing a chance. I tend to think it is the latter, because you hold hope until the very last minute only to get disappointed in the end.

Gabi and I had a great time at the Michael Buble concert last night. He has such an amazing voice. Unlike many artists, not only can he put on a good show, he can definitely sing live.

We left work early, which gave us enough time to drive to Columbus, walk around the arena, have a snack, and even meet some of Michael's crew way before the show. Everyone we met seemed so nice and friendly. I definitely have to give them that.

We then met our friend Lucille, who lives in Columbus, for some much needed girl time. The weather was beautiful, not too hot and not too cold. We walked around an outdoor mall, did some shopping, and enjoyed a nice dinner while reconnecting and talking about our lives. Lucille was also kind enough to let us stay at her place, and then drove us to the concert and picked us up so we didn't have to worry about where to park.

The concert was great. We had no problems getting in with our paperless tickets, and we were so, SO close to the stage. As soon as I had a chance, I held up my "Can I get a hug?" sign. Michael saw it and read it aloud, and made eye contact a few times. He even said "Yes" when he read it, but much to my frustration the moment just never arrived. In the blink of an eye the show was over, and that was that.

After the show we waited by the buses with some of the other fans. I was still hopeful that maybe he would come out and say hi to us. When I was standing there, one of his band mates came straight to me and started to chat. "You were sitting right in front of me, just a few rows back. Right?" He said. I guess he noticed me because of my sign. "Yes" I said. "That was me". We talked for a few minutes and he seemed like a really nice guy. He only had nice things to say about Michael, and what a down to earth guy he is, because up until a few years back he was just like any of us. After about 15 minutes he had to get back.

Michael never came out to say hi. We eventually just saw the buses rolling out, which meant definitely no hug for me. It was time to give up and simply call it a night.