Cheater!

I've come to the sad realization that I have been cheating on my blog.

One of the reasons I started writing was so that I could really let go of what bugs me, makes me sad, and flat out pisses me off. But somehow, without really making a conscious decision about it, I have started censoring myself. Yes, I am holding back!

Just last Sunday Lionel made me really mad. And just thinking about still irritates me profoundly. I am sure writing about it would have been really therapeutic. Yet I chose not to do so. Maybe what stopped me was the thought that I would eventually forgive him for the stupid, incredibly inconsiderate joke he made at the expense of my kids. And if I had written about it, maybe it would have made my anger linger because I would be able to go back, read about, and relive the moment all over again. But I guess my logic did not quite work anyway. I did not write about, but I am still angry. I still remember. And now I am double annoyed at the fact that I prevented myself from expressing what I felt.