How can I be so sure that being a stay at home mom is definitely not for me? Because housework is very hard work, never ending, and in many cases it goes unnoticed - which also means it is often taken for granted and goes completely unappreciated. Today, for instance, I did the girl's laundry among the many other house chores that completely consumed my day. But Sofia didn't even notice that all her clothes were clean and neatly put away when she came back from camp. When I pointed it out she said "Yay", but I had to fish for a better answer before she finally gave me a "Thanks!".
Since the very beginning I decided that I would not let my sabbatical be consumed by house chores, but I also decided that the few days the girls are going to camp are the perfect opportunity to go room by room - to try not to get overwhelmed - and do some very needed and long overdue deep cleaning and decluttering. After all we have been in this house for almost 10 years, and with two kids and a dog we have certainly accumulated plenty of stuff.
Last week I started with couple easier rooms, so that I could at least have a feeling of accomplishment, but this past Friday I decided to tackle the kitchen. Little did I know that it would take me all day Friday, couple hours on Saturday, all day Sunday, and all day today to finally get it done. I don't like the word "overwhelmed" because being overwhelmed means you are losing control, but it was certainly an overwhelming, frustrating, and lonely process. It literally took me the entire Sunday to sort through all the remaining papers we had left from the girl's school because I had to choose what I wanted to keep as school memories for the kids, what still needed any action from us, what had to be kept for future reference, and what could be recycled. After all that work, Lionel's "joke" to me earlier today was: "Well, it is your fault that it took you that long because you keep everything". Wow, how is that for ungrateful?!? This goes back to my original point, as he clearly has no idea of the amount of paper I have already painstakingly reviewed and recycled throughout the school year ... because I did it all by myself, and he never had to deal with any of it. So remember my point about how the house work goes unnoticed and completely unappreciated? Well, there you go. A very clear example.
As I continue to clean and declutter the house - because somebody has to - I know it will be difficult not to get somewhat bitter about not getting any help from Lionel, especially as the next month or so he will be consumed by the world cup. But what am I supposed to do? Look "the other way" and just do fun stuff while the house remains all cluttered? Because if it is not now, when will we do it? When I take another sabbatical in 5 more years? I don't think so!
I know I don't say this enough, but I really don't know how stay at home moms do it. I can do this for a little while, but I certainly don't want to go months and months, or years and years, feeling like my work is completely unappreciated. That is just depressing. It is clear to me that if I were to stay home I would be constantly fishing for compliments as a way to validate that my hard work does matter. What a needy wife and mom I would be. That doesn't sound good for anybody!
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